somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
