Midget sex pt 2 tonight
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
