When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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