Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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