bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
