your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I wish I only lived at night.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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