you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
