went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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