I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
