highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
