I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Two words: nipple clamps
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