just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
