The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
