OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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