you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
