Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I could fuck to npr.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
