He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
