The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
