apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
where are my eyebrows?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
