I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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