K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize