I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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