Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
