So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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