dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
