Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
