thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
