im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
