A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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