just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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