Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
