Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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