the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
