TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
