all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize