If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
