fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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