I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
