Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
