i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
