I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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