I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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