I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
