She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
