my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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