Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
