Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
