apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
