shes about as inviting as chlamydia
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
