I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
nutella sex= disaster
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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