did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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