Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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