I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
