Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Please don't give away my fajitas
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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