I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
