I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
