Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
