dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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