i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize