You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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