i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
