I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize