I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
