You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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