I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
