I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
