i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
