How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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