and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
