Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
