We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
